3,000 Miles
by ElleLaw
Summary: Alex Cabot is forced to face her disconnect from the horrors she tries after working with an illegal immigrant from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. While processing her feelings and emotions surrounding this case, she makes a decision that could change both her and her girlfriend Casey's lives forever. One-shot inspired by Tracy Chapman's song 3,000 Miles
**A/N: I've been listening to an amazing song all day and well I had to write about it so I could finally finish Closer to Fine. The song is 3,000 Miles by Tracy Chapman. I highly recommend listening to it!**

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Alex stood under the warm spray of water. Warm water and soap, their only job to wash sins away. Only this time, they weren't her sins, they were sins other people, evil people, had committed against another woman, an innocent woman.

The woman's testimony had etched itself deep in her soul and she couldn't shake it. She couldn't shake the various counts of heinous acts committed against woman in that country. How could the world turn such a blind eye?

In truth, Alex knew exactly how. She knew how, because she in her own way turned a blind eye over and over. Humanity had desensitized itself from such horrors, the same way she had desensitized herself from the horrors of her job. It was easy to distance yourself from such things, it was easy to change the channel and curl into your wife's side as you put on a show about cake designers. It was easy to listen to a victim tell their story of enduring a horrible event and think, that kind of thing could never happen to me or Casey, we take better precautions.

However, listening to this woman today, this woman that was born into such horrors, recount all the horrific things she and every woman she knew over there encountered, Alex could no longer remain in her bubble. Her feeling of being 3,000 miles away from such horrors even if the occurred next door was demolished. She couldn't shake the stories. She couldn't remain separate anymore. This time the story had attached itself in her mind, it had taken hold of a part of her.

Stepping from the shower, she dried off and put on her pajamas. Wrapping her towel around her hair she stood in front of the bathroom mirror examining herself. She looked different somehow. Her facial structure was the same, but the Alex beneath the surface was a completely different human being. She was no longer 3,000 miles away.

This Alex was present and felt everything. She couldn't shield her mind any longer. It had been far too long since she stood here. The last time it had been with Sam.

Hearing Casey cough from the bedroom, she was still recovering from bronchitis she'd picked up volunteering at the homeless shelter, Alex looked towards her. The redhead sat on their bed, sifting through Alex's case notes, possessed by the horrific details, making endless notes for Alex. Despite being censured, the redhead was still in love with her job as a prosecutor and happily lived vicariously through Alex. Casey was passionate and involved always. She was never 3,000 miles away from reality, it was one of the things that made Alex love the redhead more each and every day.

Here Alex stood trying to shed herself of the woman's vivid shared memories, while Casey sat there taking each in everyone of them in, like a sponge thirsty for water. Casey was always too close to the job, it was what made her a powerful prosecutor. Yet, it's also what helped to make her reckless. Either way, in Alex's mind, it was a winning trait.

Freeing her hair from her towel, Alex walked into their room, climbing up on the bed and curling into Casey's warm side. Without a word, Casey began to play with Alex's wet locks. With a pen behind her ear, and eyes on the papers, she asked, "Good shower?"

"No," Alex whispered causing Casey to set everything aside and scoot down in the bed so she could look into Alex's eyes.

Arms wrapped around the blonde, she said, "Talk to me."

"I don't think I am doing enough, Case," Alex admitted biting her lip and avoiding eye contact.

"Look at me," the redhead whispered, tilting her chin up to make eye contact again. "What is it?"

"I have just desensitized myself to this stuff for so long." Alex confessed shaking her head, "I've forced myself to believe this kind of stuff can't happen to us, or to our one day kids. I feel like because I've done that I haven't been doing enough!"

"I see," Casey hummed gently stroking Alex's side, "So, what are you going to do to change that?"

"I was offered a job this afternoon," the blonde again whispered.

"You were?" she asked mimicking the whisper.

"I was, but I turned them down without any thought."

"Why? What was the job?"

"The job was moving to Africa to work to develop sex crime prosecution there. It would be at least a year long commitment," as she spoke, she closed her eyes tight not wanting to see the shame that would clearly show on Casey's face at the next part, "I didn't want to put us...you especially in that kind of danger."

"Alex, open your eyes," Casey whispered before placing a gentle kiss to the blonde's lips. As she opened her eyes, she saw her still faithful, loving Casey, no shame. "You really want to take the job, don't you?"

"I do now, but what if something happens to us. I haven't even asked you if you want to go..." She trailed.

"I would follow you anywhere, so yes, I will go. Plus, I can help there too. I can talk to victims for you." Casey soothed.

"I'm scared." Alex admitted. "What if it gets to be too much? What if I can't handle it?"

"Then I will have to put you back together again. I can build you up."

"That seems a little selfish, Casey, what will I do for you?" Alex asked in a whisper.

"You will do what you always do, love me. It's all I've ever needed from you." Casey answered kissing Alex again.

Holding her wife tight in her arms, Alex thought maybe she could remove her distance. Maybe she could allow all the emotions in, remove all the barriers and allow herself to feel it all. If it became too much, she knew one thing for sure, she always had Casey to protect her soul.


End file.
